I didn’t know what to say to Allah
” The hardest test I ever faced in my life was praying. You understand. My comprehending, my believing, […] had only required my mind’s saying to me, ‘That’s right!’ or ‘I never thought of that’. But bending my knees to pray – that act – well, that took me a week.
You know what my life had been. Picking a lock to rob someone’s house was the only way my knees had ever been bent before. I had to force myself to bend my knees. And waves of shame and embarrassment would force me back up.
For evil to bend its knees, admitting its guilt, to implore the forgiveness of God, is the hardest thing in the world. It’s easy for me to see and to say that now. But then, when I was the personification of evil, I was going through it. Again, again, I would force myself back down into the praying-to-Allah posture. When finally I was able to make myself stay down…..I didn’t know what to say to Allah”
(Malcolm X, From “The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley)